It may actually be weird that my first post on my newly reactivated wordpress account would be about death. In less than 12 months, 10 months to be exact, four people close to my heart have gone to a better place. I have never experienced death before as real as now.
Last summer one of my closest high school friends died from the complications of his autoimmune disease. At that time I was in our hometown, Jeddaah and he was in Manila. So here I am, 10 months later, still stuck in DENIAL STAGE. I never got to see him in the last minutes of his battle. I was not even present during his wake. He is still so alive in my memories, blushing and laughing at his own jokes. Sometimes, I forget that he’s already gone. A few times I have to stop at the middle of my sentence or retype my text messages to our common friends. Because I can’t help but ask if he’s coming to our meet ups or catch up dates. So Kuhbler -Ross, how do you call it if I’m stuck in this stage and never got to move on to the next level and eventually accept it?
Come second sem, there’s news of another death. Another of my high school classmates died. This time its different. We were never really close. We don’t talk much in class. We can call it language barrier for discussion sake. He’s of different nationality, he doesn’t talk much and he sits at the back. So yeah you know its a little bit of a challenge. But he was my partner on our cotillion on our senior prom because its according to height. But that’s it, still less than friends. But after graduation, he told me that he appreciates me. And that he would want to know me better. Its almost 5 years since I refused a dinner with him. And just before I receive the news about his death, I remembered him. And thought to myself, I could grant that one dinner for old time sake. But its too late. Yes. I had a taste of the reality that “TOO LATEs” happen.
Its Christmas season and my best friend called to break another bad news. The dad of one of our friends was killed. This tito is so dear in hearts. When we were teens he’d take the time to drive us home from our girl dates. He’d cook us dinner when we visit their home. He used to tease us about our high school crushes. And all of sudden his gone. I hurt more for my friend than I hurt for myself for losing a very well loved Tito.
Yesterday, I woke up early to review for an exam. When I checked my phone and found out a heart breaking news. Our thesis adviser died. One of the most respected and most loved person I’ve come to know in the field of medicine. He was more than a mentor, he is a friend. He is an inspiration. His optimism and versatility is encouraging. Its just so soon and so real that creates a void so large. Just a few days ago, I was telling one of my group mates, that during the presentation, I want him to be proud of us. But now he won’t see us present. He will never get to avenge us if other adviser’s grill our group. I think with his death, I am in ANGER STAGE. Angry of the timing, for it being so soon. A few more years and he could have helped more students to shine.
These deaths are a reminder that DEATH IS INEVITABLE. We have one life to live. Live it with purpose and value.